Q: I recently had what I would call an experience of ‘dissociation’, accompanied by a profound sense of anxiety. This has not happened before and maybe it was ‘psychotic’ rather than anything else. But research suggested that such an experience may follow prolonged periods of unsupervised self-enquiry. Can you tell me how to avoid a recurrence?
(I have been following the teachings of Nisargadatta for the last 3 years of a 10-year period of self-enquiry meditation. I see in the Q&A postings that having no access to a teacher is a common theme and makes progress monitoring and understanding of book-based teachings difficult).
A: You don’t explain what you mean by ‘dissociation’. But, whatever it was, it was an ‘experience’, as was the ‘anxiety’ that followed. Enlightenment is all about self-knowledge’, not experience. Experience is necessarily in duality – an experiencer and an experienced ‘thing’. Enlightenment is the intellectual realization that reality is non-dual and that ALL experience is only an appearance – name and form of Brahman.
Nisargadatta was clearly an excellent ‘satsang’ teacher – answering questions in person from seekers. But satsang teachers are not very useful when it comes to presenting a systematic, start to finish ‘education’. Their value is in answering specific questions encountered by a seeker who is already following some sort of systematic unfoldment elsewhere. The context of a question is important. The traditional manner of teaching is that the guru presents a talk on a particular topic (usually a start to finish explanation of a specific scriptural text, carried out over months, if not years). He explains it all gradually. Then, at the end of each talk, seekers ask questions on what has been explained in that talk, or possibly earlier ones. I.e. they are clearing doubts about what has been said. There is none of this in the typical satsang.
When you read something like Nisargadatta’s talks, these have been transcribed by someone who was present. You are relying upon what they understood, or remember, or can interpret from the notes etc. If they misunderstood or cannot read what they wrote, the reader is obviously not going to be able to rely upon its veracity. Worse than this is the fact that talks are often translated after being transcribed. Nisargadatta spoke in Marathi. The author of the book had to understand both languages fluently. You see the sort of problems?
Really, you need a source of systematic teaching that begins from where you are and takes you gradually to the final understanding.
I explain all of this in more detail, and look at all the current methods of accessing valid teaching, in the book ‘Self Seeking’ – see https://www.advaita-vision.org/self-seeking-ai-review/ for a description.
I don’t think you should worry too much about the ‘episode’. Certainly, you should not correlate it with your seeking (unless you have been reading some seriously invalid sources of ‘teaching’!) If at all possible, of course, you should associate yourself with a correct, traditionally oriented, source. There are books and recorded talks that fall into this category. If you want to carry on ‘unsupervised’, then my suggestion is that you read widely (although ideally with some guidance) and always treat anything that sounds ‘unreasonable’ as suspicious! ‘Unsupervised self-enquiry’ cannot lead to psychotic episodes unless you are extremely suggestive and do not exercise reason!
In fact, it is unlikely that any teaching would actually cause you physical or mental harm – your sense of reason would always reject anything overtly ‘silly’. What it can easily do, however, is subvert your spiritual progress or even derail it completely by causing you to reject Advaita, mistakenly concluding that it is a waste of time.
Q: Thank you so much for your speedy reply which is very much appreciated.
I have just ordered your book as, having read the preview, it sounds like you wrote it with me in mind!
By an experience of ‘dissociation’, I meant that I had become profoundly aware of perceiving my surroundings, including the body, from what I can only describe as a third person perspective. (Not as in an ‘out of body experience’ but something else. Profound but difficult to articulate.)
Regarding my deciding to ‘carry on unsupervised’: having no access to a teacher and certainly not wanting to give up, I have no alternative. Another reason why I am grateful for your reply and the information in your book.
A: Yes – hopefully the book will answer all your questions about sources. The follow-up book, called ‘Finding the Self’ is all about the actual ‘content’ of the teaching, indicating the often silly ideas propagated by some modern ‘teachers’ and explaining the correct, progressive explanations given by the traditional method. It is complete and with the publisher, but they move very slowly and it will not be available to purchase until early next year. It is undoubtedly the most important book I have written, so watch out for it!
What you describe here is a practice that is taught as part of karma yoga. SES taught the mantra ‘I am not my body – it is an instrument for my use’. It can be quite powerful and, eventually, you can occasionally have such an experience as you describe. But the aim of all such practices is to condition the mind and prepare it for jñāna yoga; they cannot of themselves give Self-knowledge.
By all means ask any questions that might arise after reading the book.